Love – your call of duty.

Love – your call of duty.

Brooke Axtells 2015 Grammy Speech

“Authentic love does not devalue another human being. Authentic love does not silence, shame, or abuse. If you are in a relationship with someone who does not honor or respect you, I want you to know that you are worthy of love. Please reach out for help. Your voice will save you. Let it extend into the night. Let it part the darkness. Let it set you free to know who you truly are. Valuable. Beautiful. Loved”.

Brooke Axtell.

Real love elevates you period.  I was moved by Brooke Axtell’s speech beforehand because although it had a sense of darkness to it, when brought to light, love like this should be revised consistently. I know most of us, whether it be our colleagues, relatives or even friends we accept less love than we deserve. I know this kind of love is important in every aspect of our lives; the kind that motivates.

Years ago, I perceived love otherwise.   A therapist of mine once said “Love is abstract”.  It stuck with me since. I, at the time shared the same view. However I have now come to see that love itself is simple, just our situations are pretty much complex.

Change

Some of us think the more we pour into someone we can make them better or change. But that not true. A person who wishes to change can only change if change is wanted from within. One will only change, because they love the other deep enough to see the right they wish to do and want to be that change.  Addictions pave a whole different path. One you can only advise. “You can take a horse to drink water, but you cannot force it to drink”. Be mindful, these cases can distort us to delude ourselves in thinking someone will ‘do it for us’. But it’s a far rooted issue. If there is someone you know with a cause for concern, the basic principle of love here is support.

Giving

If I had to advise anyone who was wondering about the kind of love they were receiving Id firstly like to ask the kind of love they are giving.  Giving love is selfless. You must expect nothing in return. Loving someone is a foundation. But even here, we all have our personal boundaries.

Receiving

Giving and receiving love goes hand in hand .In order to receive you must give, but be open to give and receive, the door is forever revolving. This should, lift, secure and heighten you to who you really are. It betters you, gives you ground.

Love from another will not advance you. The old cliché of ‘loving yourself first, before your love another comes profoundly in sync here.

Keep this blueprint in mind:

Draw two squares a on any size paper. Next, on the first box title it me. The second ‘Them’. (I say them because it can be for whomever). In the first box write in it all the things that make you who you are, and things that contribute to your personal happiness. You can categorize it if you like mine says: music, books, joy and honesty.

In the box are your expectations from other people. I’ve written: respect, appreciation, honesty. Here you will be able to distinguish if what you expect from other people is realistic but also you can match up if you’re willing to give the same from what you want to receive.

I see in both boxes I have honesty. Because honesty is a big moral code of conduct for me to live by, it’s so much easier for me to give in sincerity because I am doing that by myself.

In addition to those boxes, I know there’s a duty I must fulfil independently.  If your box is full of things that you are not giving to yourself, you cannot expect it be too given to you. Not only that you may be given it, but your will not feel it. You may perilously feel other beings may not be giving you anything, when really they are giving you all they can. Your box is password only you access.

“You must love yourself much that when someone treats you wrong you recognize it” Rena Rose.

  Your place is to fill your box first- no one can love you, the way you love you. Graduate with this certificate first.