“You can’t be friends with someone who wants your life”. Oprah.

“You can’t be friends with someone who wants your life”. Oprah.

Jealousy between friends to me doesn’t happen. When we love and value each other how can jealousy come through? Jealousy is a joy thief and adds to an idle mind. Being with people who want your life is something that I never understood. How can anyone want my life? How could someone be jealous of me? I’m a humble girl as Walt Disney in Saving Mr Banks says “I love my life, I think it’s a miracle”. Strongly because I am assured I’m loved, I know I have all things people often take for granted and I know appreciating what’s around me : even  from where I was, in my mind to where I am , grants me a deeply spiritual life. There’s no big money or career boast happening right now. I just have a life that is of immense value. I am aware people can envy that.

My dearest, oldest girlfriend and I once spoke about jealousy. She explained once to me she had a situation where someone mentioned that another was jealous of her and she was surprised. She had told me that the thing the other was jealous of, she didn’t really take notice of it. It was something to do with her hair. she also went on to say how she thought how someone can be jealous of something that she never even thought of what that special and it was nothing truly to be envious of. She has also went on and explained to me:

 

“Some people see something in you that you might not think much of, so let’s say your hair length for example, you don’t think much of it but a person with short hair could deeply long for longer hair and because you are the person who endures it, you become a victim of their jealousy”.

Now, we all know jealousy stems from insecurity. Something so simple that you never gave thought to could be a reason for someone to dislike you. That’s a crazy dilemma to fall into, especially when it’s something you don’t even brag about.  Why should you shrink yourself in order for another person to feel big about them? Marianne Williamson famously stated that “Your playing small doesn’t serve the world”.  People can hate you with reason. Maybe you have done something to them that caused them to out pour the negative inside of them. Other times, it can be no reason, but within, there’s deeper reason to the no reason ‘they just don’t like you, because you are you’.

Often so, meeting new found friends you really have to dig deep with someone to discover their morals, values and character defects. It’s become a thing that gives me a little anxiety. Giving people too much of the benefit of the doubt can cause yourself to splintered at the end. This is because more times than many, we tend to train ourselves to see the good in people. By doing so, we neglect signs that people show us.

I always thought you were meant to be around friends who inspire you or they hung out with you purely because something in you inspired them. That you both equally loved each other had each other backs and wanted well for you.  Naive, perhaps? I never thought so. Companionships of all kinds are extremely valuable. The substance of a friendship adds or subtracts ample value to you as a character. They say you are “The Company you keep”, and that also you are the equivalent to the six people you keep close to”. Taking in these statistics, I heavily spent time in a wonderland of thoughts.   I never understood the meaning if the quote above until recently. The impacts of this lead me to consider why it’s crucial to get that this isn’t always the case. You can always know who your mates are when you’re down and out and when you’ve nothing to offer but your company. Plus, who are with you when you have nothing. As in broke, maybe poor and you’ve not many add ones people can find a benefit when being your friend.

So now I understand what ‘being friend with someone who wants your life’ can cost you. Not everyone who jumps on your bandwagon has good intentions for you. This is hard to see especially when you impose intentions being squeaky clean. Knowing someone’s reason for why they hand around you are in the clues of what people choose to ask you, and talk about in your presence. Forming a sob story from time to time and letting someone know of your money woes or boyfriend blues so they can win over your attention and suck you into their rescue team says a lot. It’s never your fault if someone has it harder than you, and that you were born into a family who loved you, you express than love by connecting with lovely folk in your life. That you earn more than someone and you’re able to spend where some people cannot. It’s not a failure of yours if you’ve got good life either. But opportunists see this as a way of getting something off you. ‘Why should you have it when they cannot? Inside they will speak” Why can’t I be friends with someone likes this? After all, I can get more off this person, I want to have what this person has, and so let me put on the costume of a friend so I can seek benefit’..

You can tell someone who wants to be around you just because they enjoy your banter and your person. Friendship, like all other relationships should be a thing where it should be a ‘what can I offer you, instead of what can you offer me’ agreement. Stepping into new fresh ones can spark alarms. Especially when you had a history of being hurt by people you once spoke to. When someone you have barely known: asks for money, invites themselves to your place quickly or inflates dramas just so you can feel sympathy for them, it’s a sign you should cut getting close. Genuine people stay neutral when you meet them. They know although you could be a splendid soul, which they still must give little by little rather than big by big to win over your closeness. Then this will give them an upper hand to ask you for something. Why not, your friends now? You should be entitled to anything right? Your money, your house keys, and maybe even a free life pass to all good things your life has to offer… you must stay cautious of those who take advantage of your goodness.  Some eyes see kindness as weakness. Obviously the devious ones will take a chance at this.

A good friend won’t have one hand trying to get in your pocket the other holding your hand. Slowly trying to claim they want wants best for you, pushing you forward, whilst the other hand tugs you back.  Jealousy simply cannot be involved in a friendship. One whiff, cut quick. You really can’t be friends with someone who wants what you have. That’s not a friend; it’s a spy, dressed as one.

 

 

 

 

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