Affairs aren’t pretty, Mistress Hood isn’t glamorous.

 

Soaps need to stop glamorising affairs. As well as other issues in this world, I feel soaps do this. Like all things that television appears to make look good, affairs are top of the list. The reality is an affair is far from glamorous.

There’s no glamour in pain, hurt lies and dishonesty plus in breaking homes. Especially in being a woman on the side. People need to understand that living a double life has really no meaning. There’s not much to understand and accept. When all is said and done, nothing is left but confusion, hurt and upset and of course…Loneliness and misery. Reality tells us different. What to say? A spouse never leaves their spouse-Where the real problem lies where the ultimate issue can’t be fixed. Maybe not all need to get fucked and fucked up in the process.

I have a developed such an understanding of women who allow men to keep them as side chicks, that, if my partner was to ever take a mistress, I reckon I could sit with her over a cup of coffee and try to discuss why she has that much low self esteem, that she would want to take my man.

Self esteem when it comes to dating plays a significant role. You are only ever willing to take second best, if somewhere within you think it’s acceptable. Stephen Chobosky states: In the Perks of being a wallflower “We accept the love we think we deserve”. I know as a woman myself, that I date different men in accordance to my self esteem. Whenever I feel good about myself, or when I’m in the right frame of mind, who I choose is a total contrast as to what I choose or am attracted to whilst lonely or just generally needing someone to make me feel better.  I once read that finding a spouse is all about sharing your wholeness, rather than gaining a plus one and becoming whole. So whenever I hear of women taking up this role, next to another woman whilst being the other woman bothers me. It’s not a title id take pride in. I’d rather be the only one.

In the book: He is just not that into you by Greg Behrendt, Behrendt tells us that: men have rules and exceptions. The rule is the girl who he treats time and time again, keeps in regular pattern and then doesn’t change for her. Then there is the exception, which is the girl/person who changes the game. A rare moment but it does happen.

“Unless he is all yours, than he is still all hers” Greg Behrandt.

There are exceptions to the rules here:

The five exceptions to the rule.

A  mistress, fairy tale, happily ever after.

  1. Angelina Jolie, met Brad Pitt whilst on the set of Mr and Mrs Smith. Six kids they share, almost a decade together, two years with where they were married. Pitt was married to Jennifer Aniston at that time.
  2. We have also have singer Alicia Keys and rapper Swizz Beats. He was married to singer Mashonda at the time. A month after Beats and Mashonda brought a child in this world, he started dating Keys.
  3. Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. Though Tracy was still married to Louise Tracy, they were indeed separated. Hepburn nursed Tracey up until he passed away in 1967. Almost thirty years of what Hepburn described as Love, Louise, his wife still thought Hepburn was a rumour.
  4. Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Richard Burton had left his wife Sybil to be with Taylor. They married for ten years, divorced and remarried for another year later. Burton was said to be one of Taylor’s love of her life. During the beginning of them getting together, they both cheated on their spouses so they could be with each other.
  5. Then you have the ultimate success of Camilla Parker Bowles and Prince Charles. Who was Mistress to Charles whilst still married to Princess Diana. It was said that Charles only married Diana to have children, none the less. Camilla got to be wife in the end.

I remember reading in: Act like a Woman, Think like a Man by Steve Harvey that the number one reason why men cheat is because… there are women out there for them to cheat with. Yes that’s right, women who know men are married and still go on accepting this role in lives.  To keep this ego life well enhanced, they and their low self esteems allow themselves to be second best.  They may claim they don’t mind but who initially puts themselves out there enough to be used a sex object? Like all things that begin high, they eventually drop down to a low. It may seem excitement and will support they super ego, you know like how some believe that because they sex him good they have captured him. But even still, because you may give him good head, it doesn’t mean you have the final say. All that attachment through sexing him.

It’s never all good in Mistress Hood.

Usually the drama goes like this…

Marriage somehow gets rocky. Instead of dealing with issue itself man hunts for the issue that fixes himself rather than his marriage. The one he hunts for is someone who makes him feel good about himself. Then he finds the woman. She is willing to take him under her wing, play therapist to his poor excuses and takes on her role as super hero. What she doesn’t realize is mistress alongside the husbands seeking self is ego led. Both sides probably feel number one is their roles. This is because they are giving each other heightened attention whilst they are together although it’s for a period of time. Usually scheduled or time slotted. As Natalie Lue states “Mistaking crumbs for a loaf”. Usually like self esteem these scenarios are passive states. It’s a temporary fix. Both members end up lonelier in the end when they decide to go separate ways. A lifestyle could go on but not for so long. But it’s not an authentic way to live. That said, sometimes the man can keep her going for long because he has fed her the fantasy of slaying the dragon ( being the wife) and finally being saved by ( the mistress) the knight in shining armour. Sometimes the poor girl doesn’t know she is being fed that and hopes that she will become queen of the throne. On the other hand, some women just don’t mind being there because they get their fix, financially, emotionally or sexually.

I remember writing once:

“If a man tells you he is SEPARATED, but then goes home to that same address, eats what she cooks, she washes his clothes, etc. Dear Friend, you ain’t separated !You a little mummy’s boy running around like you a sexual mechanism and the only thing you separated from is the balls to actually LEAVE your wife” . #TurnTragedyToComedy

From woman to woman:

  • You are more than a booty call.
  • You deserve more than a timeslot in someone’s lifestyle.
  • Surely you need more than a second rate role.

 

Two maybe loud, but Three is definitely a crowd.

 

Trust me on that one.

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