Man made marriages are to me, the marriage others except you to confide to. Truthfully speaking, real intimacy takes place beyond physical form. So a marriage constructed for society function rather than soul flowering, to me is marred.
When everyone talks marriage, especially as a singleton, you’re left in thought. When it’s spoken about so much part of you says yes and another part of you says no. I am left questioning myself sometimes. Although a part of me is caught up in its beauty, another part of me remains unconvinced. Is it just made out to be a bigger deal? Or have we got the whole concept wrong? Many time I have outlined to myself what to me, looks like a profitable reunion that can benefit both sides.
I do cringe when someone does ask me if I want to because the kind of marriage some people will idealize when I say yes will be totally different when it comes to my own viewpoint. Marriage to me isn’t the classical image others hold. So to say yes in some people’s minds, might be me agreeing to their idea of what it is rather than my own. Funnily enough, saying no to it, in their eyes makes me look like I am on my way to the one way street of spinsterhood.
So here is my idea. Marriage to me is a beautiful thing when the partnership is right. Gary Zukav In his book: Seat of the soul, describes the idea of a spiritual partnership. Basically, to paraphrase, bringing out each other’s good and bad and balancing each other out. If you look at my last blog post, I have identified the theory as: Finding the beauty and killing the beast. I know when two people meet, even if it’s for ten minutes or ten years, they have something to show a person. It could be something that a person may want to provoke or not provoke in them. So when it comes to love relationships there’s intensity here.
As we go into the inner circle, as Richard Templar establishes in the book: The Rules of love, that your partner is the second circle to you, being circle number one. So if you look at this from a diagram perspective id ask you to draw a tiny circle. This will be you. A circle around that, that your other half, then another one around that one and that’s your friends and family. So technically, the pain and love are stored in the same box that your partner has access to. So being able to sooth the pains and open up more, more and more gentleness, kindness and compassion that a person can bring out is something a marriage should be doing. Pain, can be the opening out a new place and the love that was sheltered from it can set free.
How a marriage should look on the other hand is how it looks conventional from the outside. It should be a case of how it feels from the inside. You should want to be there, you shouldn’t have to be there. For the sake of children, property and shame stemmed from culture, religion etc. I’m not saying that that’s not enough reason because the idea of having a broken home can be too much for some so they’d rather settle in a partnership where love in no long present. Saying this, love is never passionate at all times. “Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away” As Louis De Benieres speaks in his passage from Captain Corelli’ mandolin. It to me is mandatory that “You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined, together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part”. This to me, is the only why the marriage should be. Not for societies function, but for soul growth. If that’s not the case, marriage for me can never be.
On the checklist of a marriage to be successful, it should never be a thing when the excuse is: because you have to, not because you want to. It should always be a want, and never a need.
The saddest thing is where the eastern world criticizes the western world; it seems sometimes marriage had been strangely misread. Here is because many see it as a means to an end. You replace the mother or father role with a partner, with them, let’s says you’re a man, taking care of you on the outside. Making sure you’re well fed, clothes washed and children looked after and for a woman, making sure you’re financially looked after. This could be a part of it, as Harville Hendrix explains that we look for both positive and negative aspects of our parents. But this shouldn’t be the only thing the person themselves need to be attended to. You’re never fully catered to, if you’re just catered to on the outside. You’re inner needs to be taken care of. Just because you have someone who maybe, does all the good on the checklist on the outer, you soul is left behind. When the shell is well polished it means nothing if the soul isn’t.
For as long as love runs in its stream, anything can be figured out. I’m a huge believer in true love conquering all and I’m a super fan of people staying through the good and bad together. Just as people themselves go though storms, relationships to strengthen can do too. I love hearing stories of couples over coming great odds. It has made me see things like affairs and that just looking like an obstacle that can be overcome. If however love doesn’t exist in the marriage, I just see it as two lonely separate people. If there isn’t any friendship, if people never speak etc that to me is a crumble. You’re only left going to search for it in another. Then things just get blotchy. As if I am one to speak, I myself have never been married, but I have been in relationships that, if we or it doesn’t grow, it’s unfortunate to say that that has come to an end. The thing what’s better is we haven’t had anything locked down so we can both walk freely. If a marriage is locked especially not fastened by legal documents, it can be really tough. Children is another issue too, because some people think to be good parents you have to stay together, but I personally not want my children thinking couples have to be miserable just to stay together in order not to be called broken.
Doubtlessly, manmade marriages never work in my eyes. Staying together is not a measure of success. Success is who you are in your marriage, even when that love has come to an end, can you still say that other half has made you better- be it through love or pain? Marriage is something that should only take place when two souls, agree to assist each other to be the finest souls in the skin as they walk this earth. Anything less than that, the divorce courts could never scare me.