Truth is the only way forward. Just like the heart is the compass, the truth firmly leads the way. In old fashion notion: it indeed sets us free. It liberates us from all delusions, ugly lies, and false hopes. It’s the key to inwardness. My belief is that it’s the only way for a higher quality level of life.
However, how it’s delivered is a different story altogether. I’ve come across many who think otherwise.
What annoys me to say the least is not what is said but firstly how it said. When I meet people who try to disguise their rudeness in excuse for frankness and claim that they are just honest, I must say, discusses me. How can this be the case? Its rudeness and it’s just an excuse to hide how badly they have an attitude, or lack vocabulary. I know the truth can be ugly, harsh and painful. But there are ways to get the same message across to the person who needs to hear it, gently, so the person can take it onboard well.
Maya Angelou once said, in a conversation with singer Common that; we should never listen to people who speak the truth brutally. That, that person is a fool because truth should be delivered in a way that the listener can listen. I couldn’t agree more.
Always, during my upbringing I was reminded of two things. To firstly: speak my mind, and secondly, to tell the truth. But one thing that may be left out was how. My sensitivity level taught me perhaps that it was to be happening differently. I was oblivious about the point that sometimes I may hurt feelings of others, just by being honest. Honesty I know isn’t the problem; the problem is in the direction of the truth teller, rather than the truth itself. Now, the consequence of this is the of course, the sting of what has been said and how it was, plus the aftermath of it. What if helpful could be misunderstood and taken as hurtful? The emancipation would be more bad than good.
Just like ones who mistake criticism for constructive criticism or at least backup what they have said but saying that they were only trying to help. We all know somebody who thinks it’s right to point out, skin, weight, and opinions about all sorts. Think they are being supportive by speaking what they believe to be true. But really, maybe has nothing to do with wanting to be valuable… it’s an excuse to lash out in viciousness. There a ways you can say something to another for example, if a dress never looked nice on your best friend. You would tell her, but because you love her you will tell her gently and kindly. You may suggest another look that she’s better suited to. The miss up would be that if you were to give her a dirty look, make a face, or tell her sternly. She may hear it like she not only looks great right now, but that she NEVER LOOKS NICE and this will cut deep.
Some will say the kindest version of the truth is a watered down version. Nevertheless, it can still be appreciated and taken in transit. What a listener wants is reassurance. They need a development plan to take on from what’s already been said. Sincerity and kindness is braver than brashness.
So next time someone wants to advise you and backs it up by claiming they are truth telling, always question:
- Your relationship to the person
- The real intention of the statement
- Re evaluate words used and tone
- And whether you needed to hear it or not.
It may not be what you want to hear, it maybe is what you need to hear but it’s how it’s heard that makes the difference. Respectfully done is often what’s welcomed.