Being born into the era of girl power, back into them days the spice girls ruled the world, I have always felt invited to celebrate my femaleness. Yet, In the way we dress, to how we speak and then onto whom we fuck, women are overly criticized and pressurized to be a certain way and keep a belief system about themselves that doesn’t always fit with their character. As a result of this, women can live limited life due to the laws passed down that haven’t been challenged and just been accepted.
Very recently I embarked on a conversation where a young lady spoke to me about herself getting very attached to a previous partner. She stated that she felt because she was both emotionally and sexually invested in her fella that she had found it very hard to detach. She then went on to explain that if she had been less involved with him it would be easier for her to detach. That said, she also dropped the line that she didn’t believe that females could do what men do in terms of having a sexual relationship and being able to break off the way men can. She continued saying that men are designed to be less emotional and can break off, whilst women and chemically and emotionally prone whisk all motions whilst being endowed in another. Because of this conversation, it began a debate in my mind that I need to highlight again just to cover a few points.
-Being able to explore ones sexuality
-Having the freedom to pick and choose partner’s or have a sexual relationship
-Helps appreciate the act of love making, rather than brief sexual encounters
-Develops a sense of character
-Lack of sexual discipline
– Spiritual sin
-Can lead to sex addictions
– Sexually transmitted infections
Before hand, I had discussed in the land of sexual activity whether it was fair that women were always labelled sluts and whores, whilst men were crowned Gods. When a male has several women he is polished up and a woman found to have been promiscuous she is tarnished. I am not a person to encourage any type of behaviour especially that sleeping around, as it holds many risks. It’s just that the same way a man is allowed the freedom to ‘fuck around’, a woman isn’t. With precautions, I consider both genders are equally invited to explore their sexualities.
Many times in the past I’ve come across a womanizer or two. In my dating history, come into contact with men who share the idea, that they can sleep around, boast about their experiences and a when a woman does the same, they look down on her. Even still, I will quote, had heard these outbursts.
“It is no good for a woman to have many different boyfriends, there is an unwritten law that men can sleep around, but women cannot”. This same man called himself a feminist.
Another stated that men tend to love a woman less if she isn’t a virgin or has had a past history.
Again, the foolishness of a statement just brings me to believe the least conscious and aware male has accepted this belief system because it serves him well and gives him the chance to justify why he can and why a woman cant. Men who decide to proceed in this manner need to understand who they sleep with reflect who they are just as much. If you mistreat or disrespect a female because she has given into you too fast, you might want to check in to why you needed that quick fix so fast. Was it to cure you sexual tendency? Was it to have some control over that woman or women in general? Was it to get a closeness that you wanted to feel that you disguised it by using sex…. but you wanted to feel emotion? Or simply…are you trying for dominance?
I do find that what has been taught is that there is a black and white rule that has just been approved without confirmation from most women. It’s not that a woman cant, it’s that she isn’t allowed or gained the nod from society.
In the book Wild, by Cheryl strayed, Strayed recalls her promiscuous past and I am in awe with her raw honesty. She speaks with a therapist and he asks her why? He then puts out the question, who are you detached from? By analysing this piece of information, I know that a woman can indeed get away with detachment if she isn’t emotionally attached to her partner. A girl who proceeds in a promiscuous manner can indeed do so. She shouldn’t be shamed for wanting to test herself as long as there are simple boundaries. I do think both men and women get lost in what sex really is when they choose to put themselves out this way. They miss out on true intimacy. Sex is just sex, until love in involved. That when love is coming from both ends. The twist here lies with the fact that often women are the ones with a naive idea that perhaps the more they give emotionally with or without sexual intimacy that the man will feel the same way. They give much more thinking he will catch up. Let’s not forget here that there are men who indeed do the same. Just like a woman’s sexual history shame, it is never allowed to be spoken of. A girl’s sexual history is an obvious shame.
It was said in the film Titanic that a woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets, if that’s the case… so is her sexual history. Same way a man heart could be feed with just as much that his ex lovers could leave mark in his heart also. The ability to detain from sex is purely based per woman. Some women are emotionally capable of not attaching herself.-Period. Of course she will be scrutinized but until she decides to settle… its her choice.
Being born into the era of girl power, I stand by the idea that a female is allowed to be and do as she pleases. If it be shamed, let it be that both sexes are equally shamed. Allow a girl to ‘get some’ the same way you males do. Just don’t give her earache for it. She’s entitled to her exploration of sexuality, long as she is aware of her pros and cons, same way you guys are.
Free spiritedness serves both genders.