Contrasting loves




There’s much debate about whether happiness can be truly achieved alone. I’m not a pessimist about relationships. I love, love. But I do know that there are two very contrasting types of love when it comes to relationships. The relationship you have with you. And the one you have with everyone else. The most glorying truth is that being matched or not has nothing to do with happiness. Happiness is a self achievable task. It’s imperative. In the words of Wayne Dyer “Joy is your natural state”.

I always hear of the notion that the grass is greener on the other side. Now in terms on relationships some people always have in mind that if their relationships isn’t going all too well, believe that in if they were single life would be better. And in reverse them who aren’t in relationships and single, think when a lover comes, life will finally blossom.

Frankly, I keep to living in the moment. I discovered that my moments are often depending my overall state of mind. Single or not, whatever I  am I’m thinking and feeling about myself defines the relationship I am, with who I date, and the way I choose to spend my singleness.

For me to go about thinking that now, currently single my life will become a brighter day only when someone will finally come and bring me back to some sort of euphoria then it would be waste of my present. All I would be doing in terms of my now would be just waiting. Technically wasting my time and wishing for something better to come.

To think that holding out for one to save me or bring me more joy would just leave me zoned in a delusion. It’s like waiting to win the lottery when you already have yourself a loving family and friendly, a gorgeous home and you’re in perfect health. There nothing wrong with wanting more. But there is something wrong with thinking that, firstly what you have isn’t abundant and secondly crossing the line of gratitude with greed. People, who strive for the top of the mountain, get there and realize that they have got to eventually come down. They expect buried treasure. When all that they could ever want is where they’re at.

Relationships to a degree bring forward a growth. As I learnt from Harville Hendrix, real healing can only take part when a relationship is formed. This is because couple love in the other what they cannot love in themselves. As they extend themselves in the other person they nurture wounds that were left damage from their primary sources. Also, as an individual life can be isn’t about the needs in you. Mr Hendrix tells us that real love cannot be achieved alone. By us.

Rayya Elias, Lover of writer Ms Elizabeth Gilbert says that soul mates change in accordance to her changes.  I’ve noticed that whatever goes on in my singleness are a preparation and an invitation to whatever I call upon. Looking at all my patterns, it’s resulted in me attracting whatever I was at that moment in time. The more insecure and needy I was , not only  did I allow myself in for a no fulfilling  relationship- I was lonely even more when I got in the relationship rather than what I was before I had . I had an unrealistic idea about what to expect, plus, relied on someone to fill up a hole. I wanted someone to motivate me and give a boost. Believing that when someone would make time for me, meant that that was attention enough. When really, trying to fit them in when I wanted to, acting spoilt and thinking that that was enough when it really wasn’t.  I wanted someone to transport me to a higher place. Although I know naturally being in love does this. I needn’t become dependent on it. Without it, I would come tumbling down. Sad, until a new fixation came about.

Instead of surrendering to self neglect, I know learned that my me time is just as important as my we time. I needed to include the four keys words that Natalie Lue has introduced me to: Love, Trust, Care and Respect. That means me, thinking and behaving in ways that support these actions. With these intact, I can then bring about a partner who can match the exact way I treat myself when I am with them.

I’m forever graceful for all I have experienced, but this doesn’t mean to say that just because I am in a good place- mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically. That now I am stamping my feet thinking ‘where is he?’…  He could appear in another five years time. So does that mean I must give up my mission because I am getting impatient? Definitely not. Who is to say there’s a deadline for this kind of love to end? There isn’t. Just another person doing the same is a bonus.

There is a certain type of joy found in single. And another type found in a relationship. I’ve come to the factuality that, perhaps I got love a little wrongly. Now being given the chance to start over, how fortunate I am to have had my teens and early twenties spent a chain of relationships.  However with no rush to find Mr. Whoever. Those years belonged to them. These years are mine. It weren’t about the lovers. But the lovers came anyway.  Luckily enough, I can build up and enjoy the kind of love I can experience outside of a relationship, then after this, despite however long it takes experience a grander love when falling in love again. That will be based on whatever I do in this phase. I will be fortunate to skill the contrasting types of loves at more advance level.



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