Dating behind the screens.

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Getting to know someone in the flesh is far from easy .In terms of dating, it’s said that most people even together for decades and more would still claim that they do not know each other. Even more so, to know ourselves is an unbalanced frequency. We are ever changing, and frankly so are our ways of communication. Levels of this have been an issue. Behind the screens is where we think that this is an ok way of getting to know someone.

In the pool of social media and a world of catfish, we often think that even when we do know the person we are seeing  , it’s quite a cheap way of finding out about them. Natalie lue’s terms ‘ crumbs’ identifies to me that we often accept communication such as instant messaging and wassap as a fine way of communication. Texts, emails etc are just ‘fill in the gaps’ for poor forms of intimacy.

In today’s world of dating meeting people off dating sites such as Tinder, EHarmony and match.com is often encouraged.  I am open to this idea the’ how did you meet?’ story might not begin “I saw her from a distance and I just knew she was the one”. Or “we were friends and then turned lovers”, however the relationship can afford to take off from there. In a 21st century universe, the divine can channel anyone through anything, so keep all notches open could be a blessing.

Tinder, I use in a humorous way. A great boast from the ego. And not to mention how many successes have been founded. The key to this is to meet someone off here, but never to continue highlight continue the relationship through emojis and standard message. Humans are complicated. Technology maybe straightforward, but we need to know that the content of emoji icons do not do anyone justice to express their real self.

I am a conversationalist and I create bonds through words. Conversations are my thing and anyone who cannot get down in one isn’t my type of person. Yes, we all know someone who words are just blank without substance, but I know the type of conversations I long to exchange so, a person who wants to text, email or just wassap needs to leave me be. To me, a man who avoids phone calls avoids intimacy. All the ‘I don’t like talking over the phone business’ is just a pussy excuse for someone who just doesn’t want to get close. Few times it has happened and few times it will.  After a little conversational research, I asked a few people and they do say to me that they “do not like the sound of their voice over the phone”. But what does this mean then? They will also wear mask over the real dating scene. Chances are they probably will be wearing a mask. At.all.times.

Of course, real life face to face interchange is best before phone calls anyhow. Before all that sets off, the in-between communications needs to be via phone. Its saves time and energy and idea of the caricature that seems to be *oh so nice* behind the screen.

The way to know if a person is a wannabe emoji or a person genuinely interested in you is to spend more time together in physicality, rather than over technology. The ‘He’s just not that into you’ buzzer begins to go off when one would rather talk over phone, facebook, wassap then see you. One who doesn’t make time to come off his busy schedule yes- most probably because he is running the country or making important decisions on world wars, but seems to make time for endless texting and  energy for excuses is a time you need to excuse yourself for a reality check.

Also, in her gem, ‘The Dreamer and the Fantasy relationship’ Natalie Lue introduces the notion that also tons of us women think a relationship that is based behind the screens is considered a real relationship. Just as the media gives us ideas of what beauty should look like, it does the same for love. It gives us a glimpse but the whole picture. It was never uncommon for someone to develop feelings over the screen but how much of those feelings fade when people actually meet face to face? When the virtual world meets the real world, cartoons collide.

Clearly, self esteem reins an issue here.  ItS said “we all eat lies when our hearts are hungry” and we all like to hear sweet nothings in our ears. But that only satisfies a certain segment. The realness of a person and relationships faces hardships. The good, bad and the ugly can often shock people and then they realize that all communications over a period of time has really gone up in flames because when truth comes through, this image of the person is a whole new ball game. Imagine how much time we would save if we just kept the old fashioned coffee meets and friendly banter going… even when I have caught a few catfish episodes, I cringe at how long the  couples have often been ‘ talking’ and then they finally meet up. They claim to ‘love each other’ too.

 I and the guys I have been dating, if we aren’t on phone, we are seeing each other. I am always evolving and my relationships must assist that growth. That kind of advancement cannot happen over a cloak.

A onetime thing happened where I had met a guy who claimed to have’ missed me’, even though we had met, spoken but and never had any electricity. I responded asking him if we were teenagers, and you bet I never got round to actually wanting to date afterwards because I found it all too forward and a little desperate. Yes -we were getting to know each other but we didn’t need get that deep when there wasn’t much to be missing.

Since having relationships from pre adulthood, I know by now that the only time I would allow that kind of connection would be one: if I wasn’t that serious, or I couldn’t see or want anyone to catch on what was going on. Excuses aside, I couldn’t accept those past behaviours from anyone because all that stuff is a little too shady for me.

Developing real intimacy really stems from honest conversation and seeing a person in real life sitatuations. Here, you get to observe their goofiness In funny situations, the way to talk to others and plus, just their mannerisms in general. This is the stuff real people fall in love with. With them never being able to communicate with you effectively, they won’t ever comprehend the responsibility of you in a relationship and you as a person.

It’s so time to let the curtain fall, ditch the handsets and step out into how things actually are.

 

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