Is wanting child of your own narcissistic?

When wanting a child, I assume all are referring to the choice of having children the traditional boy meets girl they get together, they mate and then through the act of procreation results a baby. Now having a child of your own, we do refer to a child that we have created. But them who say they want children doesn’t it mean that if they child is biological, that then wanting children becomes a no-no.

How does narcissism come into play?

Setting aside the fact, the heart wants what it wants, Narcissism creeps in here as some  do feel that they either:

  • Do not feel that they could love children if they weren’t theirs.
  • Want a child to be a mini replica of who they are – in vain.
  • Because they can

I’ve come to know there are many forms of mothering. One doesn’t have to be a mother of biological child to say she is a mother.

Adoption, fostering and going above and beyond the fixed role of grandparent and aunt, sister and brother, we usually become a parent somehow.

Over the course of time when I have heard stories of people, who would try endless ways to get pregnant because they want children of their own. However, if one so wanted to become a mother why not adopt, foster or take on a more ascendant role of a close child?

In regards to parenting, I cannot see why instead of recreating more, why fostering or adoption seems to be written off. If someone wanted to be a mother so bad, and facing an unsweetened truth, there are enough unwanted children left abandoned somewhere that need homes. Already made, and needed some kind of parenting still. Fair to say also, them who are the original ‘mummy’ and daddy’ do not do a praiseworthy job either.

Louise Hayes, a self-help writer wrote that we pick our parents. For me, my truth is that we are put into the families that we need in order for us to exercise muscles in us to fulfil our potentials. But from here we push from our roots and transcend to the routes of the destinations we want to travel.

Celebrities’ examples such as Angelina Jolie and Sandra Bullock have both interracial families. This demonstrates to us that love exceeds to stretch over to all. Not only that but shows that if we include every nation into our family and show  that it’s not about biology and that its more over bond we define a new definition of family.  Families do not have to be people of the same surname and blood type. It’s about extending love into humans and wanting to take care and nurture people as if they were your own. It’s a wanting to do so.

The heart does extend past the biological and bonding goes beyond races and cultures. Spiritually, as the God I believe in see’s no colour, the cord that combines us is that of connection rather than genetics. It’s for sure up to us the families we can create. And as time goes by, we need to weave in the idea that sometimes wanting a child should include not wanting one we can create and by taking one already produced and taking that child on to raise ourselves. In generations to come, we need to set examples to them after us that family is about everyone and not just them who are involved with.  An expansion into humanitarianism is what we need to show and by deepening our love for other humans that are outside of our inherent box is a fruitful way to get going.

“The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into and sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself.”
Candice Bergen







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