Our ability to remain soft seems a struggle in itself. It’s our natural habitat and a possible human right to remain with the same innocence we did as children.
Now, here, I am not saying that we must not merely grow up. Like it or not, it’s going to happen. We will grow and flourish into adults, but we mustn’t forger out truest form. To keep you open to love, maybe that will be prone to some hurt. It’s inevitable, but it won’t kill us.
We are told as children ‘never to speak to strangers’/but this is just to protect us because of our vulnerability as small people. This is abused by all people who don’t follow acts of love, kindness and loses their goodness. There’s no way to sugar-coat that we could be a person away from a rapist, paedophile or murderer. None wear the t-shirt to quite frankly say “Beware, deadly, vicious and harmful thoughts and actions stored in this human”.
However blossoming into adult life has taught me that of a few small things. Sometimes we must reach out to strangers, not completely blinded by the fact that yes, they could be harmful. But with a guard of giving slowly, starting with small daily acts of niceness that could literally make a person’s day.
When you pass a person on the street let’s say, smile at them. Although as I have mentioned in posts before. This isn’t an invitation for them to take advantage in any way. But rather brief exchanges of human slash spiritual connection. The token of this gesture will deliver someone an ounce of hope, restore their faith in kindness and open you up to your own grace.
Brene Brown, a researcher of shame and vulnerability, taught me that vulnerability is something that we need to evoke in our day to day lives. She says in her book daring greatly, that “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” This means when we let ourselves just be, without fear of what people will think or free from the thought of what we should be like. We put ourselves on stage, ready to be as we are, without an effort of trying. Who you are is usually the person who doesn’t stop and think if what they are saying blankly just out of freedom of expression, will be accepted by others. It’s laughing when something is funny and not trying to structure your laugh. It’s also being at a club, dancing like you’re in your bedroom. All things like that are effortless. Whoever you are is effortless, because you don’t even have to try. It’s already there.
I find the ability to keep softness can prove a challenge for most, especially those whom are sensitive, been hurt several times whilst being their authentic selves or them who have experienced a form of abuse.
I spoke to a lady who once told me that the reason people do find it difficult is because of past experiences, most tend to put up their guards. I said to her that in order for that event or person not to have impact on their lives and take over their present, is to act accordingly to their new selves. Neale Donald Walsh in Conversations with God, teaches somewhat like CBT therapy, for a new thought to register you need to act as if that change has already happened, then the mind will register it, giving it evidence that the change has already occurred, once this habit like process commits itself, change and evolution reveals itself.
If you could see how pure your soul is you would know you could never be tainted. Not by a circumstance and not by an individual.
Another advice I would like to add is never stopping listening to the music you like, hobbies you did, or anything that takes you back to feeling yourself.
I know for a fact, a good few people ‘age shame’. When people shop, they are quick to say, they are’ too old ‘for that colour, to this for that etc. But I stand by my theories of ‘dressing to match your character, rather than your age’ would work for us a grand amount. When you like something, naturally you would feel lightness within yourself. Then the automatic thought process starts ticking and in it the negative self image kicks in, following with the ‘what will she or he think if I wear this’. But we tend to forget the tiny inklings that drew us to the item we desired in the first place. Why we don’t cheer ourselves on to motivate us to just be, I really do not know.
We must learn to remember who we were before that pain was delivered to us.
Also Brene Browns: The gifts of imperfections imposed that “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” In other words, to laugh the laugh, we must cry the cry. There is no way in this life we would ever add depths to our graciousness and feel more of the positive emotions with huge substance, without having to know what the not so good feels like. We mustn’t however try to paralyze we heavy stuff either. It’s quicker, and more influential to just feel what we feel. That is never to say we need to add more to feed off. Just let the pain be.
But if you ask me, what I would rather be I do know that I could never want toughness, the tough always find themselves crying hard when the curtain falls. Them, who keep their softness, keep their strength, for it is a courageous act to be soft in a wide world of people who just want to front.
I mean for me it’ll always remain this way and my message remains:
World, Keep your toughness, keep me soft, leave me tender that’s all the strength I need.
Read more on the difference between soft and strong.
Infinity House :
Soft and Strong