“You gotta find your best self and when you do, you gotta hold on to it for dear life.” Wild.
When stuck, I try to remember why I am content and look for the reasons I am pleased to be where I am here and meant to be. I’ve come to accept obstacles, and peaceful reunions with some of the events have happened in the past. I had to settle a deal with a younger me in order for me to grow into adult hood in a way I can take the good stuff, and take with me some drafted wisdom the little me had allowed me to gain.
Whilst some period of depression had occurred, the darker moments, help me search to a point I was on my knees, desperate and full of dust. I needed something, I wanted someone. Occasionally I had opted to search outside myself. Someone to give me a high, someone to keep pushing me forward. I even looked for a God in above the clouds to tell me the way to go.
Here, where I felt there was no where left to turn, I resisted no longer. I gave in to the shitty moods and I let them pass. I couldn’t distinguish the difference between me feeling down, and me just being a typically moody emotionless statue.
I never died. But to take the matter seriously, I never let life let me think that I was a nothing less being who had nothing left to give. I had heartbeats of hope, and was surrounded somehow by love and I let each day just guide me as it was.
The part of me, who was left behind, just grew finer skin. It built itself, as a transformer, vastly, before my eyes, structured me for more that was ahead.
You see, no matter how big the war, how bad the break up, how nasty some stranger could be to me , No one or nothing can deliver me a bigger battle than that of my own self destruction.
But then, my own self creation is a piece of my own reward.
Was my best self who got me through my worse self, from the dirt of all things I was
feeling. Depression, never got the best of me because I had my own back and along as I know there’s a fighter in me willing to always give it one more try then I can repay my better self with the gift of being able to try.
Being able to cry, let me flood tears that just needed to be free. Each droplet of water from the eyes helped the soul cease fire. There definitely was no shame in it. Never will I regret a good cry. It’s essential to do so, just as the home needs a good dusting, the soul needs to dust from all things human to set it free, so it can be just pure soul. This soul needs to be guiding the human self, not the human self guiding the soul.
Your best self is the part of you that still find humour in situations. Sees in lightness. Still gives extra compassion and thanks with much depth. Gives a good fight when things get tougher and never loses the part of him or her who they like. Everyone seems to want a piece of that pie too.