The conversationalist within me simply will not let this rest. In a world not so black and white, relationships don’t quite escape that category either. Cheating is a hot topic. Many will draw the line in the sand once this happens. Others opt for another option. My job in conversation is to radiate some light on areas that can be given second thought. Not only that, as we are encouraged to love beyond pride, I wanted to look into the realm of two types of infidelity which I pronounce as:
The emotional in contrast to the sexual.
Now, to say the least, we would prefer our partners did neither! But let’s weigh up the differences, and see if we can at least get some kind of understanding.
I remember sitting in an R.E class and my teacher had us in discussion. She then turned and asked the question:
“What would be worse, if your partner had sex with someone else, or fell in love with someone else?
I then without thought just burst out:
“Fell in love with someone else Miss”
“Why?” She then followed.
“Because love is a lot stronger”
She smiled. She agreed.
Ten years following that outburst, I still rock on in agreement with my sixteen year old self. I would much hurt more if my partner developed emotions for another. A form of intimacy that runs deeper then sex can be found within the connection of the relationship itself. I do find that a person can have sex with various at the same time and still boomerang back to their spouses. Sometimes, knowing their partners are there for keeps. Something maybe missing and they seek out to find it.
I discovered the meaning of sex addiction when Katie Prices current husband Kieran Hayler a former stripper, had been caught having an affair with her two best friends. Reasons being was he was sought to have had sex addiction. He laid out the following outlines of what it meant and pointed out that a sex addiction was either, the addiction to sex, porn, or the adrenaline to do something naughty.
I figured that this kind of adrenaline is to gain a power. It is most probably because he may have been abused or just abused from the power of authority. Either way, he developed an issue that made him stray from his wife. By using sex perhaps, he got carried away using lust, almost costing him his marriage.
So, Ms Price decided to give her marriage another go. She said the affair was sex based and made a mature decision regarding her family life. She mentioned when being interviewed also that she does make jokes about it to him now and they laugh it off. I found it difficult to comprehend why someone could throw away their relationship over a few small sex acts with a person?
Although she says she cannot forgive and forget, as a strong power figure in the celebrity world to take back someone who had done the dirty, Hats off to her.
Plus as Harville Hendrix a writer of ‘How to keep the love you find’ states and I do summarize: the affair with the best friend is more a cry for help and attention. It’s a more obvious shove in the face. If a man wanted to have another kind of affair he would’ve done it in secret. If he wanted an affair based on a little deeper he would’ve hidden, and eventually left.
This flows onto my remembering sex and the cities Miranda and Steve situation in the first film. Steve openly admitted to Miranda that he just ‘had sex with someone else’. This was whilst the couple had been slightly distant due to Miranda’s work schedule. In the film, I see why we were shown the events which led up to this confession. Carrie quite bluntly let it out with Miranda that she couldn’t believe she could break up with Steve just for one mistake. After all, it was just sex. During the end of the film, the couples partook couples counselling’s. Miranda mentioned vows and Steve articulated saying they had other vows, which he seemed to emphasize that had been broken, way before he had his encounter. Over the ratio of the relationship, what they had built in all rooms of the emotional and mental and physical bond, could throw it away over this meaningless one night which never had any of the things they had built over time.
Another classic example in celebrity land is that of Wayne and Colleen Rooney. After the sex stories had been exposed, Colleen as a devoted catholic decided to stand by Wayne for better and for us and continue the marriage. It seems to me, by observations over social media that their lives seem happily ever after.
However, falling in love with another would mean them completely dropping out with you and all in with love. Regardless this could be temporary. It still requires a yes or no effort.
Catching feelings for another may sway a different direction. See feelings could be them of comfort, loneliness, affiliation and just the longing for company. But truly, one can feel in some ways the same way for two people. But we all know falling in love takes over us in a blast so it requires all or nothing.
Leaving your spouse to get with another person who has you’ve fallen in love with is a sharper sting.
Alicia Keys met her Swizz Beats whilst married to his wife Mashonda. The two now are married and have children. In an open letter over Twitter, Mashonda revealed her feelings stating that both her and her former husband could have worked through their differences if Miss Keys wasn’t present and left him alone.
The pain some face when being left either because they’ve fallen in love with another, or just falling out of love with their partner can be more resentful. There’s more investment. There can be nothing more painful then knowing the one you love doesn’t love you back.
Of course, I again elaborate on the fact that that none of us would like to be cheated on. No one wants to be hurt by one they love, endure the shame of it being known to by others, or even take on the poor effects can have on one’s self esteem.
Possibly, what could be worse?
Falling in love and sexual adrenaline are both highs. Emotions are more about stripping down immeasurably coming off then rein the same as the withdrawal of drugs and alcohol. Passing a soul could evoke feelings but none of that needs to be acted upon when I come to a current party getting her in the runway. Seeking sexual activity maybe a desire a want but never a need, some might argue it, but sex can agreeable be worked on. Once emotions aren’t present, the need of the pursuit becomes immense.
Where I stand in this argument is: you shouldn’t have to choose whether one or the other is acceptable. It’s whether one is more forgivable then the other.